I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.

A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.

Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?

Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!

Death's vigilance is eternal, so shall mine be.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?