I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.

Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.

We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there.

I would think, if you were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.

Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on.

The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.

If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.