What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
Competition is the death of art.