I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.

Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.

For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.

Being funny is not the same as being happy.

If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.

You will never experience less reality than when you are watching a reality show. You're watching people who aren't actors, put into situations created by people who aren't writers and they're second guessing how they think you would like to see them behave if this were a real situation, which it's not. And you are passively observing this; watching an amateur production of nothing. It's like a photo of a drawing of a hologram.