I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.

Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change.

I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.

When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.

It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

That which does not kill you isn't finished.

No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.