I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.

Have you ever had a gay friend lose weight and you can't decide if it's good news or not? Hey you look... great?

In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes.

Life imitates art but art intimidates life.

There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.

If I had a Volkswagon Beetle. I'd paint the front to resemble Glenn Langdon in War Of The Colossal Beast. Why? Two words: The Ladies.