I've never slept with a virgin, but I love breaking the seal on a new peanut butter.

If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.

I would think, if you were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.

I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.

I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.

Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!

If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.