I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.

If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.

Have you ever had a gay friend lose weight and you can't decide if it's good news or not? Hey you look... great?

Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.

There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.

Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.

If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.