Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.

Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.

When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.

I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.

For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.

Have you ever had a gay friend lose weight and you can't decide if it's good news or not? Hey you look... great?

Having sex with a dead grammar teacher is a violation of past tense usage.