Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.

I'll never be alone, because I'll always have My Problems with me!

I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.

You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.

Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?

That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.

When I was in high school, girls made fun of me for liking vampire movies. Now, I'd be their king. Time machine, where are you?