For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.

Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.

Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!

I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.

Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?

As anyone who's ever adopted a dog will tell you, there's always the fear that one day the birth parents will come scratching at the door.