I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get it. You sit here - I'll get it, I'll make it.
Dana GouldAs I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned my head. That's all I want to see.
Dana GouldA great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
Dana GouldWhat if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
Dana Gould