That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.

I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.

Twitter is not a good place for people who feel they're being followed.

What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.

The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.