I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.

What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.

If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.

Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.

One of the coolest things about the word boobs is, when you look at it, it has boobs.

Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.