I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

There's something profoundly disturbing about watching an old guy eat a sandwich.

Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past.

A big blizzard proves there's no global warming in the same way being out of milk proves there's no such thing as cows.

59% of all suicides are actually botched murder-suicides performed by dyslexics.

I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.

I'm only afraid of dying if I'm to be held accountable for what I did while living. If there's no God or reckoning, I'm like, whew!