What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.

The simple act of smiling at people makes the world a better place. Unless it's the day you decide to walk around with your dong out.

New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!

If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.

The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.