A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.

Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.

It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.

I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.

There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.