A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.

Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!

A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.

When homeless people go camping, how do they know?

My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.