I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

I would think, if you were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.

It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.

Competition is the death of art.

Gorillas would be less scary with bunny ears. Actually, what isn't less scary with bunny ears? Osama Bin Laden with bunny ears. Ha! So cute.

Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.

There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.