I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.

I've often been accused of being the comic's comic. It's a bad business model when your fans are the people who get in free.

If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.

The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.

Death's vigilance is eternal, so shall mine be.

I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.