You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.

If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.

Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.

If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?

There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.