Competition is the death of art.

The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.

Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.

No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.

Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!