The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.

As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.

Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.

Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?

I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.

Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!

You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.