Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding.

Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?

Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.

As anyone who's ever adopted a dog will tell you, there's always the fear that one day the birth parents will come scratching at the door.

I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.