Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!

Because of Bluetooth headsets, it's getting more and more difficult to tell who's schizophrenic and who's on a conference call.

Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.

One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?

Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?

If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.