Scatterbrain is one of those harmless little words you use a million times... Then it turns up in a crime scene description.

Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.

Having sex with a dead grammar teacher is a violation of past tense usage.

No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.

We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there.

My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.