Scatterbrain is one of those harmless little words you use a million times... Then it turns up in a crime scene description.

Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!

I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.

Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.