Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?

I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!

Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.

We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.

Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.

Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison.

Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.