Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?

A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.

I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.

Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

If you gave a bag of potato chips to the guy who invented Pringles, he'd look at you like you were trying to hand him an abortion.

My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.