They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.

There's something profoundly disturbing about watching an old guy eat a sandwich.

It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.

The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.