I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!

Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?

If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.

Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same; they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.

There's something profoundly disturbing about watching an old guy eat a sandwich.

Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.

Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.