If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.

Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, on your face.

Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.

Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.

If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.

In the midst of all the candy and commercialism, let's not lose sight of the true meaning of Halloween: tree worship and animal sacrifice.

My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road; you don't want to live on that road.