No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.

You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.

I'm of the generation of kids where the G.I. Joe's developed Kung Fu Grip right around the same time I did.

There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes.

I was an altar boy in the Roman Catholic Church and no priest ever laid a hand on me. That's me, always the bridesmaid.

I'm so weird with women. I couldn't go up to a gorgeous woman and tell her the building's on fire. 'Don't take this the wrong way, uh. I don't mean to be weird and I'm not trying to be creepy, but the building's on fire.