Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?

Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.

If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.