In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes.
Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
Twitter is not a good place for people who feel they're being followed.
I used to pessimistically think I was going to die alone, but now I optimistically know I'm going to die hoping to meet someone.