Corn is the only food you hold like corn.

How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?

The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.

A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.

There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.

I was an altar boy in the Roman Catholic Church and no priest ever laid a hand on me. That's me, always the bridesmaid.

We broke up, and my first reaction was 'Fine - I've been through this too many times. I can't change your mind. I can't live your life for you. You're gone in your direction. I'm going to pick up; I'm going to go in my direction. I'm not going to live in the past. I'm not going to embrace the pain. You go, I'll go, and that will be it.' And I felt that way for an hour and 10 minutes.