Corn is the only food you hold like corn.

Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.

There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.

I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.