What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

I once felt bad because I had no shoes, and then I met a man who had no feet. He was wearing an ankle bracelet that kept falling off.

I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.

The circus goes from town to town, so why run away to join it? It should be, I've decided to wait for the circus to come.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.