When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.

Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.

Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.

It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.

Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.

Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.