Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!

When homeless people go camping, how do they know?

If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.

Scatterbrain is one of those harmless little words you use a million times... Then it turns up in a crime scene description.

Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.

As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.

Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.