Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, Hey, that's how I look reflected in the pond!
Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
Because of Bluetooth headsets, it's getting more and more difficult to tell who's schizophrenic and who's on a conference call.
I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.