Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.

It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

I would think, if you were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.

I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?

Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.

Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.