Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.

A big blizzard proves there's no global warming in the same way being out of milk proves there's no such thing as cows.

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

I used to pessimistically think I was going to die alone, but now I optimistically know I'm going to die hoping to meet someone.

Being funny is not the same as being happy.

Gorillas would be less scary with bunny ears. Actually, what isn't less scary with bunny ears? Osama Bin Laden with bunny ears. Ha! So cute.

I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.