Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.

How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?

If you gave a bag of potato chips to the guy who invented Pringles, he'd look at you like you were trying to hand him an abortion.

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.

I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.

Many stroke survivors look back on their attack as a stroke of luck. Of course, by luck they mean horrible paralysis.

If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant?