Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.

Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?

Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!

A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.

If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.

My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road; you don't want to live on that road.

If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.