Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.

When all the people covered in tattoos turn about 70 years old, they're going to look like a strange race of melting clowns.

I can't wait for the day I learn to live in the now!

The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.

If you gave a bag of potato chips to the guy who invented Pringles, he'd look at you like you were trying to hand him an abortion.

When I was in high school, girls made fun of me for liking vampire movies. Now, I'd be their king. Time machine, where are you?

If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.