There's a big difference between poll workers and pole workers. Sadly.

If my dog wants to know why I didn't feed him this morning, he may want to rethink walking out of the room when I'm telling him a joke.

Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.

I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.