There's a big difference between poll workers and pole workers. Sadly.

Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?

The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.

Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change.

We broke up, and my first reaction was 'Fine - I've been through this too many times. I can't change your mind. I can't live your life for you. You're gone in your direction. I'm going to pick up; I'm going to go in my direction. I'm not going to live in the past. I'm not going to embrace the pain. You go, I'll go, and that will be it.' And I felt that way for an hour and 10 minutes.

Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!

I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.