There's a big difference between poll workers and pole workers. Sadly.

Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.

My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.

Marriage is like a row boat: it fits two, it doesn't work on auto-pilot and it's very difficult to have sex in.

My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.

When you break life down, it's about 100% time management.