Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.

How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?

I would think, if you were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.

I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.

Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past.

As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.

Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.