If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.

A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.

One phrase you don't want kicking off your obituary is, Never, in the long history of bungee jumping.

Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.

A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?