If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

If anything, I believe that when I die, I will have to stand in front of all the children who went to bed hungry while I was on earth and read aloud a list of my eBay purchases. I shudder to think of it. Explaining to a poor child with a swollen belly why I didn't give his village fifty cents a week but spent twenty-seven dollars in a bidding war for a Mars Attacks coffee cup.

The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.

As I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned my head. That's all I want to see.

The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.