My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.

Life imitates art but art intimidates life.

My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road; you don't want to live on that road.

Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.

The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.