My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.

That which does not kill you isn't finished.

A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.

If I had a Volkswagon Beetle. I'd paint the front to resemble Glenn Langdon in War Of The Colossal Beast. Why? Two words: The Ladies.

I once felt bad because I had no shoes, and then I met a man who had no feet. He was wearing an ankle bracelet that kept falling off.

The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.

I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.