I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction.

Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change.

I've grown tired of resting on my laurels and have decided to start resting on my failures.

The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.

A good competition for comedians would be where a comedian has a conversation and is then quizzed on what the other person says.

Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!

Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.