I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction.

Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?

The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.

Life imitates art but art intimidates life.

When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.

Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.