My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

The simple act of smiling at people makes the world a better place. Unless it's the day you decide to walk around with your dong out.

Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.

Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.

Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.