If you gave a bag of potato chips to the guy who invented Pringles, he'd look at you like you were trying to hand him an abortion.

Reality TV is the perfect antidote to people who don't have enough self-centered douchebags in their life.

Can you have a seance to summon the ghost of a dead zombie?

Like many indelible family memories, carving a pumpkin begins with someone grabbing a really sharp knife.

I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!

I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!

Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.