If you gave a bag of potato chips to the guy who invented Pringles, he'd look at you like you were trying to hand him an abortion.

A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.

I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.

We broke up, and my first reaction was 'Fine - I've been through this too many times. I can't change your mind. I can't live your life for you. You're gone in your direction. I'm going to pick up; I'm going to go in my direction. I'm not going to live in the past. I'm not going to embrace the pain. You go, I'll go, and that will be it.' And I felt that way for an hour and 10 minutes.

If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.

Earthquakes would be great if they could hit specific areas, like the parent lounge at a children's beauty pageant.

I can't wait for the day I learn to live in the now!