Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on.
People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
Our grocery store now has self-checkout, for your convenience. It's like getting punched in the throat, for your comfort.