Many stroke survivors look back on their attack as a stroke of luck. Of course, by luck they mean horrible paralysis.

Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.

I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

I would think, if you were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.

I bet when all the punctuation marks have a party, they quietly look at exclamation point's wife and think, that poor woman.