Whoever coined the phrase, killing two birds with one stone, not only hated birds but also thought we needed to conserve stones.

I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

The average permanent lasts about four months.

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.

The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.

I can't wait for the day I learn to live in the now!