Whoever coined the phrase, killing two birds with one stone, not only hated birds but also thought we needed to conserve stones.

Death's vigilance is eternal, so shall mine be.

Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.

I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.

Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.

When homeless people go camping, how do they know?

I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.