Whoever coined the phrase, killing two birds with one stone, not only hated birds but also thought we needed to conserve stones.

You will never experience less reality than when you are watching a reality show. You're watching people who aren't actors, put into situations created by people who aren't writers and they're second guessing how they think you would like to see them behave if this were a real situation, which it's not. And you are passively observing this; watching an amateur production of nothing. It's like a photo of a drawing of a hologram.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.

I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.

If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant?

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.