This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.

Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.

My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.

It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.