I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.

Our grocery store now has self-checkout, for your convenience. It's like getting punched in the throat, for your comfort.

I am faced with a bruising dilemma: pay to fix the dishwasher or continue serving everything in waffle cones.

Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.

Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.

Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.