Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.

Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past.

I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!

What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.

Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.