Chocolate covered peanuts, chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered pretzels... Chocolate. So afraid to be alone.

Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.

Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.

Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?

If you gave a bag of potato chips to the guy who invented Pringles, he'd look at you like you were trying to hand him an abortion.

The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.