Chocolate covered peanuts, chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered pretzels... Chocolate. So afraid to be alone.

Corn is the only food you hold like corn.

No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.

How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?