Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, on your face.

A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.

I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.

I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.

In the midst of all the candy and commercialism, let's not lose sight of the true meaning of Halloween: tree worship and animal sacrifice.

The simple act of smiling at people makes the world a better place. Unless it's the day you decide to walk around with your dong out.