Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, on your face.

Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.

Our grocery store now has self-checkout, for your convenience. It's like getting punched in the throat, for your comfort.

Many stroke survivors look back on their attack as a stroke of luck. Of course, by luck they mean horrible paralysis.

We broke up, and my first reaction was 'Fine - I've been through this too many times. I can't change your mind. I can't live your life for you. You're gone in your direction. I'm going to pick up; I'm going to go in my direction. I'm not going to live in the past. I'm not going to embrace the pain. You go, I'll go, and that will be it.' And I felt that way for an hour and 10 minutes.

If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.

Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!