Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, on your face.

The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.

I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.

I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.

Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.

You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.

I'm only afraid of dying if I'm to be held accountable for what I did while living. If there's no God or reckoning, I'm like, whew!