New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!

Even if I say, Everyone in the village died of diarrhea, I still laugh a little after diarrhea.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.

The simple act of smiling at people makes the world a better place. Unless it's the day you decide to walk around with your dong out.

As I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned my head. That's all I want to see.

Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.