New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!

I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.

Many stroke survivors look back on their attack as a stroke of luck. Of course, by luck they mean horrible paralysis.

Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison.

When I was in high school, girls made fun of me for liking vampire movies. Now, I'd be their king. Time machine, where are you?