Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.

Somewhere a woman is praying her toddler wins a beauty pageant. I say this because sometimes people wonder why God lets tornadoes happen.

What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.

Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, Hey, that's how I look reflected in the pond!

There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.

When I was in high school, girls made fun of me for liking vampire movies. Now, I'd be their king. Time machine, where are you?

I've grown tired of resting on my laurels and have decided to start resting on my failures.