Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.

There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.

Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

I used to fear living a life untouched by God, but now, for some reason I've gone back to being afraid of cement mixers.

The circus goes from town to town, so why run away to join it? It should be, I've decided to wait for the circus to come.

Being funny is not the same as being happy.

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.