They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.

They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.

Even if I say, Everyone in the village died of diarrhea, I still laugh a little after diarrhea.

Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.

New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!

The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.