Being funny is not the same as being happy.

Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.

I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes.

Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.

If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?