I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
There's something profoundly disturbing about watching an old guy eat a sandwich.
Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.