The circus goes from town to town, so why run away to join it? It should be, I've decided to wait for the circus to come.

I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.

Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.