I used to fear living a life untouched by God, but now, for some reason I've gone back to being afraid of cement mixers.

If you don't believe in the living dead, how do your explain the Golf Channel?

Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?

A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

I am faced with a bruising dilemma: pay to fix the dishwasher or continue serving everything in waffle cones.